{Wednesday, June 12, 2024} 12:29 PM
WHERE DID THE TIME GO?!
The last update was almost 7 months ago?! So here's what happened!

My Summer Job with Fullers was pretty good! Contract ended on 2 April and overall I rate it 8/10! Yes~ I enjoyed working there with fun colleagues though it took while to connect and warm up. Which actually they did offer to extend my part time contract till end of my visa which is 2 Sept. However, after some thoughts I decided not to. Because.. staying in the same place doing the same work for another 5 months.. I don't see anything else I could gain. Unless I have a car, then during my off days I can explore more of NZ. But if not I'll probably be just staying at home.



However, on my last day of work... a life changing moment happen when I saw a an email! It was one of the ski resort I've applied in Feb. They replied and keen for interview! DANGGGGG... but i've bought my air ticket back home. Anyway, I still went for the interview and they offered me 2nd In-charge role. Surprised?! Yes because I've applied for customer service ticket role. Long story short, i accepted the offer which was due to start on 24 June and employment contract is till end of my visa! How perfect right....


But... there is something in me... in my heart is stopping me. I felt that it was too easy? Which my sixth sense is tingling. The thing is... the ski resort (Porters) will arrange the accomodation for us which at that point they don't know where will it be until in early june they will let us know. Which I felt kinda off as the ski resort is about 1hr drive from christchurch. And if I arrive in christchurch how do I make my way there? I checked for taxi rental and it freaking cost 360NZ for a 1hour car ride. Maddness!



I still went on to sign the contract and came back to sg since it's only starting in late June. I can take this 1.5mths staying at SG. Now im back here, I really felt that going back for just 2 months is just waste of time? I know how cool will it be to be working at the ski resort and I can also get to learn ski and snowboarding for free.... but yes I hestiate I didnt have the push factor to go.. I dont get excited, I'm just hestitant. So I decieded to email them and retract my contract. Will I regret? maybe but this is life isnt?



So back in SG for almost 2 months what have I been doing? NOTHING. I mean I still cook my own meals at times, spend time with friends and fam.. As for job wise.. I tried applying but it seems like nothing beats airport. Spoke to Barry and of course he seems happy to have me back. I just hope things goes well and wont be too "OVERWORK" and of course maintain the healthy lifestyle..



SO OVER THE 2 YEARS I'VE LOST ABOUT 10KG!! AMAZINGGGGGGG. I LOST THE MOST WHEN IM IN NZ. I GUESS IT WAS ALL THE WALKING AND EATING MOST OF MY HOME COOK. EVERYTHING IS HEALTHIER AND LESSER! LOVE IT! MY WEIGHT IS BACK TO 53KG WHICH THE LAST TIME I HAD THIS WEIGHT WAS 10 YEARS AGOOOOOOOOO.... MAY I HAVE THE WILL POWER TO CONTINUE BECAUSE I DONT WANNA GET FATTER AGAIN!!!!



thats pretty much a quick update on life so far for 2024. catch back soon!



{Monday, December 4, 2023} 6:31 PM

 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

Lovely huge bouquet of flowers from Bestie :)

Following up on my last post, damn! it's so depressing. Which it's truly was as things werent looking good. Things werent going the way I want it to be. But guess what, things took a turn & yes I'm still in Auckland with a job! YAYYYYYY~ It was a hard time for the month of sept and early October. However, mid of October just where I set my own timeline if things are not looking good I will return to Sg.. & I guess God heard me, heard my prayers and decided to fuilfil my wish. I got a Interview, which lead to confirming the job. Went for pre-employment checks and successfully started my Summer Job on 6 Nov! It's been almost a month in this job and I would rate it 6/10. Not the best but not too bad. Colleagues are generally nice just 2 annoying ones which eh.. you can't escape. They are literally everywhere. Working hours are not too bad either. Each shift is about 8 hours and as long I get to work 4 days a week, I would be able to pay my rent, buy groceries and save up! Really thankful and blessed that God has grant my wish and placed all the nice and lovely people in my life during this period. Living aboard is not easy specially when ya alone. I'm so glad to cross path with these people during this part of my life. Thank you for making a difference and showing kindess to me. That's for the work update and truly truly grateful that I'm ending 2023 that way I wanted it too. As for love life, things are just going down hill. I'm just too tired and numb with whatever it's going on. Is what I'm doing making things better? definately no. I've said I want, express my feelings but if the other party is not responding or making efforts I don't see why I should to. Why do I wanna fight this battle alone? This is the time I need to figure it out what I want and if there is any future. Else we wil be just wasting more time when alot of time has been lost. May god guide me and show some obvious signs to me. I'm just heartbroken and yeah no words to even express this pain.

{Tuesday, October 3, 2023} 7:46 AM

 Am I a failure? Am I that useless? This is not the life in 30s I image... Lost as fuck now..

Currently, in my first ever rental house in Auckland. Sitting here thinking about my life choices. about what i want.. which clearly my mind is just confuse as fuck. Perhaps I expect too much, perhaps I'm just not trying hard. Perhaps.... just useless. 

Here in Auckland trying to fulfil one of my dreams is to work overseas but things are not looking good. applied 20 over jobs no reply or just rejection. What is wrong with me? & now ... the thoughts of living here is just cloudy. Isnt it what I want? but why am I have second thoughts and regret to start all these? Where is this going? I don't know... I don't know what I want to do in my life and it's just meaningless. 

 

{Sunday, September 17, 2023} 7:03 PM

 Well hello there! Here am I, sitting in my NZ airbnb room after spending a day out in Auckland! Yes girlies, I AM HERE IN AUCKLAND! Starting my work holiday visa!!!! WHOOP WHOOP! This mini dream of mine since 2015!! Who would have known that I still get a chance to do it! 

Devonport - Mt Victoria

Reading at this point, it seems like everything is well and smooth but the actual fact is totally the opposite. Hmm ok, not totally terrible but just slightly challenging then what I thought it would be. 

Today marks the 1st week of being alone in Auckland. Yes, my love went back to Singapore on 10 Sept. Obviously I cried when we parted ways. But.... so far okay.. in terms of transport and food I can safely say that it's 80% going well!

Transport is not that difficult as it seems. of course if there is a car it is the best but your girl has no licence so public transport it is! Most of the time taking their bus, pretty similar to sg. Tap when you board and alight. But I love their AT mobile app, so good with the directions! It shows you on the map where to walk to the right bus stop, what time is the next bus, where is the current bus location, how many stops and while ya on the bus it tracked and update the bus of stops left. It even prompt to let you know when it's time to alight! How amazing!!! With that feature it really helped me alot! if not, I would be a lost sheep! 

Bus Ride 🚌

Anyhoo, this is what I wanna share to capture this moment and to be able to refresh my memory whenever I read this. 

So today's plan was to head to Takapuna Beach Sunday Market. Woke up like 6:30am I could reached early as the market close at 12pm. I went and it was alright like the typical market in western country. Honestly, nothing beats asian night market. hehe

I spent about an hour there and decided to head back home. Then I remembered tik tok intro about Kmart. So I search in google map and went. So Kmart it's like Target? They have toys, household stuff, clothes, home deco etc. Not bad, I didnt buy anything and went back home. I reached home about 3pm, it was early and felt like going out again. Dont wanna waste my make up (yknow, HAHA)

I searched on tik tok, best place to watch sunset in auckland as yesteday sunset was looking pretty snatch. And I shortlisted the Mission Bay. Cool, direct bus from my house! Hopped on the bus and sadly it was cloudy. Didn't see the sunset I was expecting. 

Cloudy Set

Sun's down, it's time to go home. However, on Sunday some buses only operates till 6pm. The direct bus that brought me here has ended. I'll need to take 2 different bus to reach home. Which is totally fine! I'm getting used to it! I rather 2 bus then bus - train - bus. You know what I mean. 

While I was in the first bus, i was thinking about my dinner. I'm craving for asian fried noodles... I checked on door dash and found there one which looks good... YUMS.. it stated delivery in 20-25mins. So I decided to place the order when I'm waiting for my second bus. 

I alight from the first bus, walked to the second bus stop. The bus is in 20mins and journey home is 15mins. So I planned, 7:10pm bus arrived, 15 mins later 7:25pm reached home. I'll place my food order at 7:05pm, 25 mins delivery, arrived at 7:30pm! Cool. what a great planning!!! *proud*

Here comes 7:10pm, food order placed. Saw bus 751 approaching. *Hands up and signal to the driver*... oh wait.. driver is not slowing down.. wait no driver drove past me!!! NO NO NO WHAT THE! What on earth... why did that happened? I checked the bus stop it has bus 751!! Why didnt the driver stop?! URGH!!

Next bus is in 20mins!! SHIT my food order! NO, FCUK! IMMA WALK HOME. It's 1.8km 30mins... I can walk... but I won't be able to receive my food in time. The place I'm staying there is no where to hang the food! UGHHH, no choice! Speed walk it is! Then just 10 steps later I saw BEAM! E-SCOOTER! That scooter is like shining brightly in front of me. (HAHA ok Drama) 

Imagine me

Should I? yes I should! Before this, I only tried once and that was after contemplating for damn long ensure I know the route it's smooth pavement then I decided to try and it was only 3mins ride. This time I need to ride for about 20mins and unsure of the road condition. 

AHHHH, don't think just do it chloe. So I scanned unlocked and ride away! Damn the road I rode was up the slope, down the slope.. crossed the road. down the slops again. &...... an incoming call from a new Zealand number.. shit door dash. I picked up and yes delivery man has arrived. Left with no options, I told him to leave it on the floor. He did and left. My mind is to reach home as fast as I can. At 1 point I think I was riding close to 20km/hr.

and there was one part where it asked me to turn left but it was between houses! Why did the map asked me to turn? Is there even a road? I couldn't see it clearly. Nevertheless, I crossed the road couldnt see any road. looked at the google map it seems to be on the other side where I came from. crossed back.. but it's wrong. URGHHH stressing me out! Crossed back again and stucked on the road divider as there were alot of incoming cars. Blessed me, a car stopped and let me proceed. Unlucky me, there was no slope to push the e-scooter up the pavement. I had to use my strength and drag it up the step. At this time I still couldn't see the road it was all dark. I decide to just proceed slowly ahhhh it's a damn park I need to cut through which has no lights there. I know this park as I walked through earlier in the day. 

So quickly back on my scooter and scoot through.. exit the park, up slope again then down slope with speed bumps! Because I was riding on the road. the pavement wasnt smooth. Speed and scoot it felt like I'm in a mission impossible. the adrenaline rush I felt was crazy... I'm like nervous hoping that I don't fall but I need to be quick to reach home and get my food asap. 

FINALLYY, I reached home! It was dark outside the house. Using my phone torch trying to find my food where did the guy place it. God.... I can't find... I dont see any plastic bag.... shit lah. then I saw a brown package on the floor at the corner of the gate. The brown package has my name CHLOEY on it! YES MY FOOD! 

I made it home, got my food. Thankful that it is still warm! But my ride home was $15... urghhhh the bus ride is just $2.65 okkk.... Oh well, it was eventful for me! Frankly speaking, i did have fun scooting through. 

If I got a job, I will buy a e-scooter! That's my plan. For now.. I just hope god hear my prayers and grant my wish! 

That's all for today! Secretly loving how I end my day today. HAHA Chloe! You are amazing <3

{Wednesday, August 16, 2023} 12:13 AM

 Ahhhh... what happen to the "I'll update this space at least once the month" LOL

If only i could post easily using my phone but blogger app just sucks. It's just so inconvenient when can't access it easily using mobile phone. 

Anyways... update! update! blink of an eye and it's 8 mths into 2023. Time is zooming way too fast. Let's go through the major things happened by month.

Okay... January, Jan in my memories was alright? Started working at XT.com with my dearest BFF. Things went better than I thought! Work was alright, learned new things and understanding more on crypto but honestly that's whole new world to that. 

My hot boss 👀

February.. hmm idk.. CNY? celebration was alright too. This year gambling luck was shitty pls. lost a total of $200. But the great thing was catching up with ITE friends, meet ah bao and daph family. Seeing them with their offspring. so cute and fun! 

Love since 2022, Mimi💋

March.. well i remember work was just dreadful... did a mistake that made me wanna kill myself for it. Of course Rachel was being nice and comfort me.. Nothing major

Work desk (Rachel said, leave it messy)💁

April! First travel of the year! We went to South Africa. Honestly, it's not in our bucket list. We were suppose to go Japan but freaking air tickets cost $900 with Scoot! NO WAY. So love, checked and we found affordable tickets to south africa. Of course we were worried on the safety as we heard alot of stories online. But we still decided to go! And I'm so glad we did! It's was great, the country turned out something that I did not expect please. I mean, thanked god nothing happened to us. Will I recommend to go? Yes I will but as what online says, travel with a guide! and you'll be fine~ 

Safari Tour is eye-opener!😮

May.. turned out to be full of sadness.. I found out that he had been treating his co-worker way too nice. way too nice. it's like he liked her? idk man... we almost broke up. till today, I still can't get over it... but since I've decided to trust again, I should let it go and try. It was also this month that company had told me that I'll be retrenched due to the industry not doing well.. But you know what before my trip to africa.. I kinda had this feeling that after I returned things will not be the same. So my sixth sense has already hint me.

Depressed May🙎

June, it was the last month working with Rachel. How time flies that 6 months just past like this. I thanked god for this opportunity.. weirdly before I started working here.. I told Rachel that at most I'll work for 6 months and ta-da god just made it happen. It was fun working tgt and just when I thought we couldn't get any closer we turned out to be like mochi sticking tgt! Also, went to cruise with Mei, Jas and Rach! Had such a great time tgt. As we grow older having our own life it's not easy to gather like how we used to. So every gathering is just precious!💘

Favourites💅

Since I was retrenched I've been thinking what do I wanna do next... honestly I've kinda lost faith in looking for jobs. All the jobs I've applied for since last year only 2 gotten back and I didn't even get shortlisted. It gave me the hard truth of job these days are not easy to find. I truly experienced it. So I've decided to go for my NZ working holiday.. Yes it's still valid as long as I enter before Sept 2023. So I've decide to go over and try! Big decision, yes. What about Hazly? Well, he will be going with me for the first 10 days and I'll be alone. Mixed feelings because that's what I want. but sad because i'll be really on my own trying to survive figuring out in a new city/country. Out of my damn comfort zone. I'm departing on 1 Sept!! 

July, since I have 2 months spare I've decided to ask P-SERV (ah.. my second home) LOL asked if there is any part time job I can do for 2 mths. And thankful that Barry gave me this opportunity even thou it's just 2 months. I've since started and enjoyed what I'm doing. Audit, doing up e-learning courses. Of course getting to work with people whom Im very comfortable with it's amazing!! All the jokes and laughter just makes me wanna come back full time... 🙈 But nahs... still go for my NZ WH and we'll see how things go!

Welcome Back! 👻

Alright, that's all for my update! Let's hope the next update won't be 8 mths later. & secretly praying that the next time I update I've progress! *pray* 

{Sunday, January 1, 2023} 11:09 PM

 Its the first day of 2023..... 

Not much to list down my resolution though I guess it's good as it keeps you focus on your goal. However, my resolution and goals has never change. It's always the usual, simple. 

1. Be happy 

2. Family, friends healthy 

3. Find my own path and do the things I love

Easy but not so. Maybe some will say it is not specific. Because... what is be happy? How do you define happy? Right here just overthinking again. Asking all these questions. 

Today... I spent my time with fam having lunch, did some work for Possible Travel and own work. I really do enjoy creating social media post. Since I was 17, I'm always so into this but had never really purse this. 

Then spend the rest of the afternoon with Habibi. We ended the night not very well.. its the same topic that has be hovering us since forever. Of where do we stand and what's next. I really wish that I could have some light/guidance. 

My mom could never accept him. Outsider thinks it's easy.. "oh you know, after while your parents will accept." "They love you, they will accept it."

uh yeah, jokes on you because it's been 15 years and my mom just couldnt. The past years I've tried. But whenever I start talking.. she just ignore and disregard me as if i'm transparent. She will then ignore me for days until she just decide to talk to me as if nothing happen. There is no way, I can pass the talking stage or share anything. 

God, this is so tough! Both are the people I love but things are not that straightforward. Sometimes I just wanna leave and start a brand new life with habibi. But the thoughts of leaving my parents not being able to talk to them hurts. But what can I do?? I can't leave him too... 

The question is.. do I live my life like how I want or be the filial piety daughter live the way my parents want? 😭

{Tuesday, December 27, 2022} 12:46 AM

Dang! After 4 years and I'm back here again...... 

Why so... because it suddenly struck me last night that I should restart blogging  penning down my life, thoughts and feeling on this space that no one knows that still exist. (LOL)

Turning 30 this year was something surreal... I've never thought that this age will come by so soon... Life in 20s was pretty amazing! I actually enjoyed and no regrets at all. The people who I met, became close with then drifted apart. Or those who turned into my inner circle of friend. Everyone made an impact in my 20s! The fun, stress, travelling ... those were incredible!

I guess the main reason of updating this space of mine other then being able to look back when am older.. I am also living at life that is unpredictable. To some 30 maybe young but others think that you'll need to have certain achievement.. Most of us think that we have time.. we strive, work hard and earn as much as we can so we can lead a better future. But... do we really have time? How much time do one has? No one knows. Things happen and next moment you'll not be able to live the life you want. 

So... in the event shit happens, I guess this is a good space for my love ones to read. Which obviously, I can also pen down via a dairy but am lazy to write!

Reading back at my last post.. funny how those thoughts were still relevant to me! Guess my view towards life has not change a single bit!

How am I doing? Well, I left the airport! My very first full time job after working for almost 10 years! I spend the last 5 months slacking, enjoying life being a jobless. & tmrw, I'm starting my new job! Working with Rachel Ong whom I've known for 13 years!!!! How am feeling? Nervous, as usual having anxiety! Am always having this mini breakdown! One thing I'm lack of and really need to improve is to have self confident and be stronger to face different challenges. I guess the reason of me having these feeling because of my childhood. When am younger I used to myself very open, outspoken. However, it was when I overheard that my cousin started saying that am too outspoken, spoiled and tend to disregard people's feelings. Thats where I learned to tone down and consistently remind myself not to speak before knowing the people. Always think thrice before talking. Oh well, something I really need to work on and change this mindset! 

Back to life.. I'm still struggling to find my purpose in life. What am I here for? What is my impact this life? How can I contribute? Everyone around me seems to find their path in life. People get married, have a life goal. Knows what to pursue. 

& here is me.. still lost. I know very well what's my passion. Travel full time and thats something I really want since having my own income. Have I done something? yeah.. for the past 10 years I've been travelling. Each year travelled to at least 3- 4 times. Visiting a new country. But is that enough? Can I do better? I wish I could and the first step I did was applied for Working Holiday Visa for New Zealand & it was approved!!! Excited?! Hell yeah! Can't wait? Hell yeah! But.. have I decided to go and take a gap year? Something for me to really think it through.. 

                                One of the happiest moment of my life. At Qatar for the FIFA World Cup!

{Tuesday, November 27, 2018} 1:35 AM
Year 2018, reading back on my post, I'm actually surprise that I kinda coincidentally update this place yearly!


{Saturday, February 18, 2017} 11:01 PM
Today, 25 year old me feeling lost as fuck in life .
I feel horrible. I feel like a trash.
No one can save me only myself .
But I don't even know how to save myself .
Why am I like this .
Why the fuck am I so lost in life.
Help

{Saturday, September 24, 2016} 2:46 AM
Time checked : 03:20am.

Thinking about the guy I've dated for 7 years. Known for 10 years. He was the ideal man ever so perfect guy that all girls would want. But I am average girl broke his heart. In his eyes I was the one. I was the girl that he came running back despite the hundred times I ran away.  He set his priority, his future his goal all pictured me together with him.

The only guilt I had was to break his heart.  & I hate myself for opening some else heart & left them broken. I love you , I really do. Yet I was who didn't have courage. Didn't have the courage to fight for our love. Through these years you were the one trying your very best to keep this going. The guy who rather lose a fight than losing me.

Hazly,you are the best man I ever had in my life yet, & prolly i won't find anyone else like you.